Stella Behaviour

I like a designer collaboration as much as the next person.  The stuff is normally wearable, the prices are great and even the patronising way the millionaire designers 'give back' by allowing us normal people a chance to get onboard is sort of endearing.  A bit like the whole J-Lo/Jenny from the Block phase.

Stella McCartney's latest collection for Target is OK, but it's no Matthew Williamson for H&M, which was the benchmark and will be near impossible to top.  Stella's latest collection is extremely structured with strong lines and neutral colours.   Boring, but wearable.

But hey, that didn't stop me from lining up with all the other seemingly normal people at my local Target.  All of us just milling around waiting for a large budget retailer to open.  Just another normal day, right?

Nope.

The doors opened and mayhem ensued.  Bags were thrown, prams were over-turned, babies were crying and shop assistants looked fearful.  And rightfully so.

All I can say is that Stella would not condone that behaviour.  She's a vegetarian for God's sake.  She's friends with Gwyneth and we all know that Gwyneth is a moral beacon.

Disgraceful.  Or maybe I'm just annoyed that her bangle wouldn't fit over my man-hand.   

Are these the faces of the sane?  No, I do not think so.

Best. Couple. Ever.

I haven't been this excited about a celebrity hookup since Tommy and Pam.   The only thing that could improve on this pop-culture phenomenon is if they were to double-date with Christina Hendricks and George Clooney.

Or me and Nikki Sixx. 

 I give it a week.

Wedding Style

I've been married 8 years today, which has got me thinking about how much my style has changed in that time and how differently I would do things today.  

I would choose a different dress (not quite perky enough to carry it off anymore), veil (too poufy), shoes (too blingy), venue (too RSLy), makeup (too drag queeny), hair (too school formaly). 

Actually the more I think about it, the more I realise that the only thing I'd keep the same is the groom!



Dress by Catherine Colubriale Couture



HAPPY ANNIVERSARY PETE!

Colonel Sanders: Hollywood Fashion Icon

This I can handle, but when yellow pants and oversized red shoes start appearing on the red carpet, I'm outta here.

Vintage Shopping: Dream Vs Reality

I love the idea of Vintage shopping.... I always imagine picking up a quaint 1940s sundress for next to nothing.  Finding an authentic Chanel quilted bag that some poor sap didn't realise they were donating.  Shelves lined with cameo brooches, parasols and Fendi scarves.  Burberry trench coats mingling with Halston gowns.

This dream takes place in a setting that looks very similar to this: 

 

Sometimes this dream gets too much for me and I take off running to my local op shops with adrenalin pumping through my veins, only to have my dream trampled on by stained sloppy joes, stretched t-shirts and shapeless house dresses with a strange odour.

All taking place in a setting that looks more like this:

 Am I missing something? 

Reason #11 Why I love America

Why yes that IS a labrador with a helmet and goggles on the back of a Harley Davidson.  Why do you ask?

Like... Literally, right?

A drinking game we like to play in our house goes like this:

Watch an episode of one of the many superficial, empty, vacuous and utterly fabulous Foxtel reality shows and have a shot every time someone misuses the word literally.

I was so drunk after watching the Rachel Zoe Project I wore my shoes to bed.  Literally.

"I literally want to cut myself in half" SHOT 
"I will literally die if she sees me like this" SHOT
"That dress is literally bananas" SHOT

Actually that last one could have been true.

Let's head to our leaderboard to see which reality stars are contributing to my liver failure.

Kardashian, Kim - 7
Kardashian, Kourtney - 7
Kardashian, Khloe - 2 (to be fair, she's the plain one and doesn't get as much airtime)
Jenner, Kris - 5
Zoe, Rachel - 9
Madison, Holly - 6
Montag, Heidi - 4
Patridge, Audrina - 3

Special mention to Kris Jenner who actually used it correctly once, probably by accident.

Guide to Disguising Man-Hands

There is nothing wrong with my hands per se,  it's just that they are well... large.  Huge.  Thick.  Man-like.  If I were a male pro-wrestler in his 40's no one would bat an eyelid. 

They have their advantages - I'm an ace jar opener, a sought after high-fiver and lesbians seem to like me.  But mostly I try and hide them and as such have become a bit of an expert at it.

Top 3 Tips to Disguise Man-Hands

1. Nude nail polish 
I figure if nude shoes elongate the leg, surely nude nails would do the same to my sausage fingers?  I like OPI in Polar Bare.  (See what OPI did there?  Clever.)

2. Gloves. 

So what if you have to organise your whole outfit around them.  It can be fun to dress as a murderess or a magician.

Corset by Dotti
Pencil skirt by Wendy Hawthorne
Gloves from Target

3. Hold large objects. 

Offer to help carry furniture, use massive handbags, wear oversized rings and drink schooners or pints.  The bigger the things near your hands, the smaller your hands will appear.



Ring by Lovisa



          

        Dress by Pink Stitch
              Overpriced beer on Las Ramblas, Barcelona

 

Reason #119 why I love America

High-End Vs High-Street

The 70's have had a major influence on the catwalks of many of the international fashion houses such Gucci, Roberto Cavalli, Marni and Emilio Pucci.   

To replicate this trend without looking like you are going to a fancy dress party, add a modern touch, for example add a pair of scrunched ankle socks to a simple lace dress & clogs.


(But not if you live in Newcastle, I wore socks and heels to the pub the other night and I may as well have been naked for the strange looks I got)



Notte by Marchesa Lace Sheath Dress $691
Prada Clogs $652

Witchery Lace Shift Dress $199
Topshop Clogs $39



 

High-End Vs High-Street

One of my favourite things to do is find high street pieces inspired by high-end designers.  I'll continue to post my faves.



D&G Silk Strapless dress $2330.



Model Rocks 'Wanda' dress $90



Christian Louboutin Bianca Pumps $580



Betts 'Kayak' $49.95

Karaoke. It's not about the voice....

....it's about the performance. 

Dress by Honey & Beau
Belt by Wheels & Dollbaby
Shoes from General Pants Co
Performance sponsored by vodka

Spring Racing

A preview of my outfit for the races on Saturday....

  

This gorgeous dress is $299 from Review, I love the 1950s silhouette and ladylike style.  I'm counting on this dress to remind me to act like a lady after my fourth beer.... 

It's more than I wanted to spend but I made up for it by keeping the accessories under $100...

Shoes were $29 from Spendless Shoes.  A wedge is a must at the races to avoid any grass/heel related mishaps.  At this price, they are practically guaranteed to hurt like hell.

Alannah Hill headband was on sale at www.clearitonline.com.au for $15 (reduced from $49).  I'll feel like an idiot on the day and not wear it.  You wait.

Princess Highway clutch was on sale at www.clearitonline.com.au for $14 (reduced from $38).  To stash my wads and wads of winning cash.

These $39.95 Betts sequinned ballet flats roll up into a tiny ball and fit easily inside your handbag.  So when my cheap shoes start hurting I'll look less like a barefoot drunken skank.  Yay me.

Reason #43 why I love America

And the fact that it's in San Francisco - the gay capital, even better.

Military Madness

Military is a trend that has been around for a few seasons with most of the high-end fashion houses having trotted out some form of khaki or combat look.   It's only now that our chain stores have come out with their guns blazing.  Terrible pun totally intended.

$49.95 from Cotton On.  I wear mine with skinny jeans and ballet flats by day and then over a bodycon dress at night. 

$129 from Country Road, add a tan tie-belt and clogs and arm loads of tonal bangles.  LOVE.

Chocolate brown flat with a military touch from Wanted $99.95.

Cross-body bag from General Pants $29.95

I'm going to wear with a kids bonds singlet (cheaper and tighter) and tan flats.  Skirt $69.95 at Witchery.

Packing 101

Actual photo of my backpack in Rome

My Top 10 Beauty Buys (and 8 are under $20!)

Palmer's Leg Gloss $9 125g
There's a slight tint in this product so it evens out the skin tone and hides any blemishes and leaves a real airbrushed look.  I use it on my arms too.  I’m a rebel like that.

Lucas Paw Paw Ointment $5

Lucas is the go-to chap in a crisis as you can apparently use it for cuts, burns, chafing and pash-rash (ok that one was from me).  But, it's also the best lip gloss EVER.  It keeps crazy brows in shape.  It tones down pigment eye-shadow and mixes pefectly with powdered blush for a dewy look. 

The bottom line is they could triple their price and still sell as much.

ModelCo Cheek & Eye $34

I try every single product that claims to have more than one use as I'm always trying to streamline my makeup bag for travel.  I love this stuff - it’s more of a stain than a tint and you only need the tiniest bit.  I use on cheeks, lips and even eyelids. 

Nivea Gentle Care Facial Wipes $8

Why are hangovers so much worse if you don't wash your makeup off?  Even when I stagger home missing a shoe at 4am, I force myself to use one of these.  They take off makeup easily and are soooo gentle.  Hair of the dog and normal skin care routine tomorrow.

 

Klorane Dry Shampoo $14.50

I don’t like to use a lot of heat on my overly processed blond hair, so I try and make a blow dry last a week.  By day 4 it’s stretching the friendship, but with this product I make it.  Just lift up the hair in sections and spray on the roots and it instantly freshens.

MAC Eye Kohl in Smolder $32

So this is a bit more than I usually like to spend on makeup but worth every penny.  I used to struggle with the smoky eye look, but with this pencil it's so easy!  Just randomly scribble on your eyelid and then just blend back and forth with an eyeshadow brush until it looks smoky.  It’s foolproof.

Natio Eye Definer in Onyz $12                                                                                 

Why don’t more people know about this product?  It’s another double act – eye definer and eyshadow.  Use in place of an eye-liner, and then for a dramatic smoky eye, use MAC kohl as above and then use this as a shadow and blend into the crease and it’s like smoky eye on steroids!  Another one for the travel bag. 

St Tropez Bronzing Lotion $44

So if done right, this is better than a spray tan.  Layer on really thick, rub in but don't rub off.  It should look like you are totally covered but it’s still a thick dark brown, it’s not meant to look even.  Wait until you dry and then go to bed.  Shower lightly in the morning, don’t scrub.  The water coming off you will be a murky brown colour.  You will be left stained a beautiful natural bronze colour.

(Use above method at own risk...)

Australis Eye-Brow pencil in dark brown $11

Don’t underestimate the power of the brow!  I never knew it until recently when I had a ‘natural’ makeup done for a magazine shoot.  The artist drew on a strong brow, which worried me as Im blonde and the most attention I’ve ever paid to my brows was to stop them before they grew down my nose.  But the photos were AMAZING and it’s now the first thing I do.  Honestly, try it.

Face of Australia Lip Liner $7

This is the creamiest lip liner ever.  No need for lipstick, it’s so simple – just line your lips with crayon-y feeling beauty and then smudge.  Add a bit of gloss (or Lucas pawpaw) and lips are flawless.  I use ‘perfect pink’ as it complements a smoky eye perfectly. 

You're welcome